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Many of you have written in asking for more clarity on woundmates so here ya go!

I began witnessing this pattern early in my coaching practice and it’s one I continue to see in my practice + in the dating and relating space. 
I started using the term woundmate to describe these relational dynamics because of the tendency to fuse over “compatible” wounds aka the other person’s wound hits yours and yours hits theirs and the relationship is spent pushing on or tip toeing around these wounds but never actually working with them to heal and integrate. It’s non-stop agitation. And it’s not fun. But it hooks us, because it reminds us of somewhere old we’ve been before. The child within desperately wants attunement and healing but in woundmate dynamics ends up amplifying the pain they’re so familiar with. 
So much of what we’ve learned about love, isn’t true love but woundmate based dynamics. 
TV and movies often showcase woundmate connections and pass them off as true love stories....which they are not. 
Because truth be told, true love isn’t some fairy tale. 
It takes deep commitment to growth, deep commitment to self-awareness, deep commitment to healing. 
But if we’re taught this fairy tale bs and we’ve witnessed the very different reality of the actual state of most relationships, not only will we be majorly confused, but we’ll also be programmed to repeat the dysfunction. 
But friends, just because you’re programmed with a certain relational template, doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it. 
Moving from woundmate connections to heartmate connections is possible. 
It requires inner work, and relational work. 
It requires healthy boundaries. 
It requires being responsive to our own needs and considerate of the needs of others. 
It requires high quality communication skills. 
It requires shadow work. 
It requires a commitment to soulful pleasure, joy and fun. 
It requires self-disclosure and self-awareness. 
Going at this alone can be intense (but possible). Going at it with support is much more advisable. 
Ladies if you’re ready for the support, I have a few more spots in my Love Mastery Sisterhood starting July 11th. Link to apply is in my bio ❤️.

Many of you have written in asking for more clarity on woundmates so here ya go! I began witnessing this pattern early in my coaching practice and it’s one I continue to see in my practice + in the dating and relating space. I started using the term woundmate to describe these relational dynamics because of the tendency to fuse over “compatible” wounds aka the other person’s wound hits yours and yours hits theirs and the relationship is spent pushing on or tip toeing around these wounds but never actually working with them to heal and integrate. It’s non-stop agitation. And it’s not fun. But it hooks us, because it reminds us of somewhere old we’ve been before. The child within desperately wants attunement and healing but in woundmate dynamics ends up amplifying the pain they’re so familiar with. So much of what we’ve learned about love, isn’t true love but woundmate based dynamics. TV and movies often showcase woundmate connections and pass them off as true love stories....which they are not. Because truth be told, true love isn’t some fairy tale. It takes deep commitment to growth, deep commitment to self-awareness, deep commitment to healing. But if we’re taught this fairy tale bs and we’ve witnessed the very different reality of the actual state of most relationships, not only will we be majorly confused, but we’ll also be programmed to repeat the dysfunction. But friends, just because you’re programmed with a certain relational template, doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it. Moving from woundmate connections to heartmate connections is possible. It requires inner work, and relational work. It requires healthy boundaries. It requires being responsive to our own needs and considerate of the needs of others. It requires high quality communication skills. It requires shadow work. It requires a commitment to soulful pleasure, joy and fun. It requires self-disclosure and self-awareness. Going at this alone can be intense (but possible). Going at it with support is much more advisable. Ladies if you’re ready for the support, I have a few more spots in my Love Mastery Sisterhood starting July 11th. Link to apply is in my bio ❤️ ...

Dating over 40...what you *need* to know 🤣😂😅 (also that’s lint in my hair from changing tops, I do NOT have giant dandruff!) ❤️
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Psychic & Medical Intuitive readings
BOOK ONLINE NOW
Jamimedicalintuitive.com
jamicheshire@gmail.com
***Taking Walk-in’s EVERY Sunday 3-5PM at Miss Heidi’s Tattoo!***
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#datingover40 #chakras #reiki #meditation #tarotreader #psychic #tarotcards #crystalhealing #lightworker #psychicreading #psychicreadings #witch #lawofattraction #oracle #psychicmedium #youtubetarotreader #tarot #energy #art #love #spiritualawakening #tarotreading #chakra #healing #spirit #thirdeye #spirituality #twinflame #clairvoyant #psychicreader.

Dating over 40...what you *need* to know 🤣😂😅 (also that’s lint in my hair from changing tops, I do NOT have giant dandruff!) ❤️ . Psychic & Medical Intuitive readings BOOK ONLINE NOW Jamimedicalintuitive.com jamicheshire@gmail.com ***Taking Walk-in’s EVERY Sunday 3-5PM at Miss Heidi’s Tattoo!*** . . . . . #datingover40 #chakras #reiki #meditation #tarotreader #psychic #tarotcards #crystalhealing #lightworker #psychicreading #psychicreadings #witch #lawofattraction #oracle #psychicmedium #youtubetarotreader #tarot #energy #art #love #spiritualawakening #tarotreading #chakra #healing #spirit #thirdeye #spirituality #twinflame #clairvoyant #psychicreader ...

Community Q. My A. Swipe 👉🏻 for all of the slides! 
I’ve received multiple questions about when to stay or go when it comes to a long term relationship or when it’s a new dating situation. 
I’ve put together a series of questions to ask yourselves and journalling questions to support you in deep diving. 
The answer for this crossroads can only be found within you and your deepest truth. 
Let these questions support you in that discovery. 
Loads of love..

Community Q. My A. Swipe 👉🏻 for all of the slides! I’ve received multiple questions about when to stay or go when it comes to a long term relationship or when it’s a new dating situation. I’ve put together a series of questions to ask yourselves and journalling questions to support you in deep diving. The answer for this crossroads can only be found within you and your deepest truth. Let these questions support you in that discovery. Loads of love. ...

Sometimes it can be a bit tricky and confusing when we haven’t had a history of setting boundaries to know how it all works. 
Similarity, if we’ve been hurt or traumatized in our past that can influence how we bring our truth and experience to others. 
I see this a lot, where someone makes a vague request and the other person doesn’t prioritize what they’ve asked. 
This tends to happen when we’re not specific in our request, and we withhold the vulnerability. 
Ex: I would love to talk to you soon. 
This statement tells you nothing about the inner world of the person saying it. And “soon” is a very broad term that means something different to everyone. There is a lot of room for minsunderstandinf and hurt feelings. 
Now, here is another way this could be shared: “I’ve been noticing lately that I’m feeling disconnected from you and that makes me sad deep down. Our connection is one I really value and with both our crazy schedules I haven’t been prioritizing us as much as I would like to. Would you be open to quickly reconnecting on the phone tonight around 8?” This statement is honest, vulnerable and makes a very clear request. 
In this instance the person can agree or decline depending on their schedule and make a counter offer. 
If after a clear request like this you get back a lukewarm response, check it out. Get curious. Ask them directly what that’s about. Find out when it would work for them to connect. And test that against what works for you. 
If their counteroffer works, go with it. If it doesn’t, keep playing let’s make a deal until you come to an agreement that works for both people. 
If they have no interest in finding a win-win, then you back up your boundary and invest your energy with people who are able to meet you. 
But also be careful of cutting things off too soon. If you haven’t set boundaries before and the first time is messy or doesn’t go as smoothly as possible, don’t write off the relationship. Get curious. Talk about it. 
That being said it would be appropriate to cut it off if the other person reacts viciously, attacks your character or is blatantly harmful. That’s a no-go zone. 
What’s your experience with all this?.

Sometimes it can be a bit tricky and confusing when we haven’t had a history of setting boundaries to know how it all works. Similarity, if we’ve been hurt or traumatized in our past that can influence how we bring our truth and experience to others. I see this a lot, where someone makes a vague request and the other person doesn’t prioritize what they’ve asked. This tends to happen when we’re not specific in our request, and we withhold the vulnerability. Ex: I would love to talk to you soon. This statement tells you nothing about the inner world of the person saying it. And “soon” is a very broad term that means something different to everyone. There is a lot of room for minsunderstandinf and hurt feelings. Now, here is another way this could be shared: “I’ve been noticing lately that I’m feeling disconnected from you and that makes me sad deep down. Our connection is one I really value and with both our crazy schedules I haven’t been prioritizing us as much as I would like to. Would you be open to quickly reconnecting on the phone tonight around 8?” This statement is honest, vulnerable and makes a very clear request. In this instance the person can agree or decline depending on their schedule and make a counter offer. If after a clear request like this you get back a lukewarm response, check it out. Get curious. Ask them directly what that’s about. Find out when it would work for them to connect. And test that against what works for you. If their counteroffer works, go with it. If it doesn’t, keep playing let’s make a deal until you come to an agreement that works for both people. If they have no interest in finding a win-win, then you back up your boundary and invest your energy with people who are able to meet you. But also be careful of cutting things off too soon. If you haven’t set boundaries before and the first time is messy or doesn’t go as smoothly as possible, don’t write off the relationship. Get curious. Talk about it. That being said it would be appropriate to cut it off if the other person reacts viciously, attacks your character or is blatantly harmful. That’s a no-go zone. What’s your experience with all this? ...

The thing about true love, is that it invites the other person to fall more deeply in love with who they’ve always been- their essence- their soul. 
When your presence invites them to embody the person they’ve always been, but for whatever reason haven’t been fully living into- well, we’ve got a shot at true love. 
The same is true on the flip side. This isn’t a one sided affair friends. Nope. Gotta be flowing both ways, if we’re dealing with pure, true love.

What this means, is their presence, the way they relate to you, invites you home to yourself. 
It means you don’t have to put on some song and dance performance to prove you’re worthy of being chosen. 
They already see your light, they see your essence and every interaction you have they wish to amplify your light and support you in shining even brighter. 
And we show up the same way. 
This is a partnership skillset that is learned. 
Traditional dating and relationship advice doesn’t focus on this at all. It focuses on how to become more attractive, which is great if you want attention, but it does nothing to create the conditions for soul to soul attunement. 
And soul to soul attunement is the track of partnership and long term success.

When someone enters our life, whether it’s for one date, or a lifetime, the true love questions are the same: “How can I show up in this interaction so this person is safe to embody their truest essence and is able to see a path to loving themselves more than they ever thought possible. What do I have to bring forward to show up that way? How can I leave this person better off for having met me?” This is where generosity, curiosity and alignment come in big tome. 
If you go into a date thinking “What can I get from this person” or “What are they here to give me?!” that energy pushes true love off the docket. The grabby, graspy, entitled energy is off putting to someone who is looking for a soul-soul connection, which people who are in the arena for partnership are.

So we gotta go in different. We gotta go in with a mind of curiosity: “What could I learn about this person today that leaves me better off for knowing?” 👇🏻👇🏻.

The thing about true love, is that it invites the other person to fall more deeply in love with who they’ve always been- their essence- their soul. When your presence invites them to embody the person they’ve always been, but for whatever reason haven’t been fully living into- well, we’ve got a shot at true love. The same is true on the flip side. This isn’t a one sided affair friends. Nope. Gotta be flowing both ways, if we’re dealing with pure, true love. What this means, is their presence, the way they relate to you, invites you home to yourself. It means you don’t have to put on some song and dance performance to prove you’re worthy of being chosen. They already see your light, they see your essence and every interaction you have they wish to amplify your light and support you in shining even brighter. And we show up the same way. This is a partnership skillset that is learned. Traditional dating and relationship advice doesn’t focus on this at all. It focuses on how to become more attractive, which is great if you want attention, but it does nothing to create the conditions for soul to soul attunement. And soul to soul attunement is the track of partnership and long term success. When someone enters our life, whether it’s for one date, or a lifetime, the true love questions are the same: “How can I show up in this interaction so this person is safe to embody their truest essence and is able to see a path to loving themselves more than they ever thought possible. What do I have to bring forward to show up that way? How can I leave this person better off for having met me?” This is where generosity, curiosity and alignment come in big tome. If you go into a date thinking “What can I get from this person” or “What are they here to give me?!” that energy pushes true love off the docket. The grabby, graspy, entitled energy is off putting to someone who is looking for a soul-soul connection, which people who are in the arena for partnership are. So we gotta go in different. We gotta go in with a mind of curiosity: “What could I learn about this person today that leaves me better off for knowing?” 👇🏻👇🏻 ...

😆so funny and so common 🤦🏻‍♀️ When we’re in the throws of woundmating we’ll find any absurd line of “logic” to swing our intense pull to stay. 
When we’re woundmating we’ll make up all sorts of stories around what we perceive to be happening that are really far removed from what is actually happening. 
When we’re woundmating we’re so hyper fused to the fantasy that we actively dismiss or ignore anyone or anything that could actually burst our fantasy bubble and bring us back to reality.

When we’re so starved for high quality love we’ll make up the most elaborate stories then get to work trying to force reality into them. 
But the thing about humans and reality is that we don’t really like it when we’re forced into a story we didn’t choose. In fact we straight up resent it. 
That’s because free will is invaded on when someone makes up their happy ending and casts you in the leading role you didn’t sign up to play.

By the way, when this happens, it’s the FURTHEST thing from true love. 
True love requires you to be connected to reality, to be delighted by reality and allow the unfolding to be a by product of both peoples free will.

But when we come at relationships without a clean understanding about what love is and what it isn’t, we play all sorts of wild games with ourselves and play out these covert manipulative strategies in an attempt to perfectly construct our “happily ever after”. True love requires trust, the ability to sit in the ambiguity of a new connection and allow it to show you what it is, instead of forcing a wounded agenda. 
Unrequited love, is a romanticized label for hard core woundmating. 
Love, when it’s true, is requited. It’s reciprocal. 
But so many of us are deathly afraid that if we actually allowed the unfolding we wouldn’t be chosen..ever. 
And this is where our inner work begins. It starts with the reclamation of our divine worthiness and innate loveability. The reparenting of our inner child. The integration of our shadow. The reclamation of our wholeness. 
For when we begin here, fantasy woundmate projections and unrequited love are no longer our go to. 
But true, reciprocal, grounded in reality love, is..

😆so funny and so common 🤦🏻‍♀️ When we’re in the throws of woundmating we’ll find any absurd line of “logic” to swing our intense pull to stay. When we’re woundmating we’ll make up all sorts of stories around what we perceive to be happening that are really far removed from what is actually happening. When we’re woundmating we’re so hyper fused to the fantasy that we actively dismiss or ignore anyone or anything that could actually burst our fantasy bubble and bring us back to reality. When we’re so starved for high quality love we’ll make up the most elaborate stories then get to work trying to force reality into them. But the thing about humans and reality is that we don’t really like it when we’re forced into a story we didn’t choose. In fact we straight up resent it. That’s because free will is invaded on when someone makes up their happy ending and casts you in the leading role you didn’t sign up to play. By the way, when this happens, it’s the FURTHEST thing from true love. True love requires you to be connected to reality, to be delighted by reality and allow the unfolding to be a by product of both peoples free will. But when we come at relationships without a clean understanding about what love is and what it isn’t, we play all sorts of wild games with ourselves and play out these covert manipulative strategies in an attempt to perfectly construct our “happily ever after”. True love requires trust, the ability to sit in the ambiguity of a new connection and allow it to show you what it is, instead of forcing a wounded agenda. Unrequited love, is a romanticized label for hard core woundmating. Love, when it’s true, is requited. It’s reciprocal. But so many of us are deathly afraid that if we actually allowed the unfolding we wouldn’t be chosen..ever. And this is where our inner work begins. It starts with the reclamation of our divine worthiness and innate loveability. The reparenting of our inner child. The integration of our shadow. The reclamation of our wholeness. For when we begin here, fantasy woundmate projections and unrequited love are no longer our go to. But true, reciprocal, grounded in reality love, is. ...

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1) Develop a crystal clear vision of your perfect partner  2) Uncover hidden challenges that may be holding you back  3) Emerge renewed, re-energized and inspired.  DM me to set up your session or click the link to my website to reserve your spot..

🔥Promotion 🔥 Are you single and looking for love? In honor of Valentine’s Day, from now until Feb. 14th I’m offering a FREE 30 minute ❤️Find Love Now❤️coaching session (Value $500). In this powerful session you’ll: 1) Develop a crystal clear vision of your perfect partner 2) Uncover hidden challenges that may be holding you back 3) Emerge renewed, re-energized and inspired. DM me to set up your session or click the link to my website to reserve your spot. ...

1% better everyday.

1% better everyday ...