Sydney photo with a personal caption ✨
Last Wednesday marked our 6 months of being back in The Netherlands after living in Sydney for 2.5 years. Today, yet again, I had one of those instant flashes where I saw myself walking in a random street in Sydney. It’s like a 1-second dream while being awake.
Normally I push these mental images and the emotions that come with it away, as I feel stupid for being sad over a choice I consciously made. A choice I know was the best in that moment. And if I keep reminiscing about my old life, I can never fully accept my new life. Plus, how stupid is it to be sad over a freaking city?!
This is what I‘ve always done with my emotions, not just the ones about Sydney; I judge them and rationalize them. Before I can even feel the emotion in my body, I’m already in my head coming up with reasons for why I shouldn’t feel that way.
I’ve only learned recently that this behaviour towards emotions this is very unhealthy. Emotions don’t disappear by pushing them away or by rationalizing them. They stay in your body and bottle up until you physically can’t contain them anymore. They’ll burst out into, for example, an anxiety attack, chronic physical pain, depression or burnout. As all these things have become way to familiar to me the past year, I’m now trying to let my emotions be. ☆
So today I cried over my old Sydney life for the first time in 6 months. It felt scary, uncomfortable, sad and good at the same time. And afterwards I felt the need to say to you:
Whatever you’re sad, anxious or angry about, whether it’s something big or small, something new or something old, let it be. Don’t deny it, don’t judge it, don’t act on it, just feel it, scary as it is. Let your breath be heavy, feel your body temperature rise, let your heart beat fast, feel the anxiety, let the tears fall, yell, sob and then, it will pass. It always will. Sometimes after only a few minutes, sometimes after a few scary hours. It sucks – especially if like me you have to attend a party later that day with red, swollen eyes -, but in the end you’ll feel a little or maybe even a whole lot lighter. Sending you love ♥️ ...